Learning to Enjoy Being "Single"

God has been working in me for many years on this. I have always chosen not to listen, not to understand, and not to embrace my “singleness”. I can say today that I have finally WOKE UP! God was finally able to break through my thick skull and my thick flesh.

The breakthrough came to me last week as I was still home with my recovery. (I tell you I have had lots of time to think, pray, and dig deep in my soul! Thank GOD!) Well, I realized that I have always thought that I would be happy ‘when’ I have a loving husband by my side and in the meantime I would just sit waiting and riding through life. I finally received the slap upside my head that I needed! My thinking was SO WRONG!! How unfair to myself, my son, my family, and everyone around me that I consider myself unhappy or just riding by life until I have a husband. I must enjoy my journey through every season of my life. I need to enjoy my singlehood while it exists!! There are reasons why God has me single at this time in my life. There are purposes in life that I must fulfill before I am married again to that great husband that God has in line for me. I must learn to love myself for who I am – ALONE!

Loneliness has been the toughest to get through while being single. No one to share my heart with, no one to share my thoughts of the day with, no one to do life with… I do not feel this loneliness anymore. The past few weeks I have been alone (physically). I have been at home recovering from the surgery, so you would think “time to feel loneliness”! WELL NO WAY! I have never felt so much company, so much love, so much companionship, so much bonding time… I am blown away with happiness. GOD WAS THERE. I finally got the message. I finally understand. All I need is God’s love. If you allow God into your life, into your heart, He will transform you and fill your heart up with all the love you need and you will NOT feel empty anymore!

I am renewed. I feel so blessed, filled with joy and happiness. I am enjoying my journey as a single woman that is trying to fulfill God’s purpose for my life.

Thank you dear Lord for being my strength, my redeemer, my strong tower… Thank you for loving me so, even with all the mistakes I have made. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for never giving up on me because you don’t give up on anyone! Thank you for opening up the eyes of my heart to experience and embrace your unconditional love that fills my heart with all the joy, peace, and happiness I need during this season of my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen!

Life Changing House Fire

Ok! I promised that I would keep you all up to date with the happenings in my last post. So, I must tell you what BIG thing God had for us. OH YEAH it was big!!

Well, on Friday, 2/13, I was at home getting ready for movie night at my church. Ironically enough, the movie 'Fireproof"! I put candle wax to melt & burn on the stove while I took a shower so that the house can get a nice aroma. I was trying to change my spirits because I had been having a day with heartache because it was a Valentine's Pre-Day and everywhere there was love and couples talk. I was missing you know who!

When I finished with my shower I could smell a smoky candle smell. I walked out of the bathroom, wet & naked, headed toward the kitchen. As I approached the kitchen I could see the reflection of fire off the back door. I reached the kitchen and saw the pot of wax on fire and the fire burning the over-the-stove microwave and the back panel of the stove (the pot was on the back burner). Crazy me, I put my hand in and slowly moved the pot to the front burner. When I did this the flames started to burn the entire front part of the microwave. The fire was not letting loose. I tried to find my fire extinguisher and it was MIA (I still have not found it!). In those seconds every fire prevention course and details ran through my head. I thought of putting a towel over the pot, but the fire was big, so I quickly turned that down because the towel would catch on fire, too. So I turned to the ever so common solution! WATER.... OH BOY! I filled a cup of water and poured it quickly into the pot. BAD IDEA! The fire increased and just went absolutely WILD!! The kitchen cabinets were damaged, the microwave burned to a crisp, the side of the refrigerator got burned. The fire reached the ceiling! I screamed and ran!!!

I was able to escape. God spared my life and my home. Thank God Briston was not home. I had just dropped him off minutes before to spend time with his uncle (My Bro - Thank you!). Thank GOD!!!

Well, all this for a HUGE lesson. I would have never imaged what God did after this.

As a little background, my house has been and still is a construction site (4 years of drama!). So needless to say, this house is the GIANT in my life. God has given me so much courage and strength to battle with this giant. It is only through God's grace that this project will be completed one day! So, this fire came as another additional project for this house. Another drama, another obstacle, another indication that this is the GIANT.

I gave up! My faith was tested BIG TIME! That is exactly what God had in mind for me. 'The' test came my way. I now write to you that I passed the test! My faith is stronger now than it was before the fire! We MUST believe that although sufferings or tough times come our way, those are the times that make us stronger, wiser, more faithful, thus growing us closer to GOD!

James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

I know now more than times I have blogged it before - GOD HAS AN AMAZING PLAN FOR US!!!! God works everything out for the GOOD!

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

We must learn to look at our sufferings and our tough times differently. We can not look at them in a negative way. Those trials and situations are the key to our life purpose. They mold us into who we are - what God has intended us to be. We then should use our lessons learned from our sufferings to help others. We were not created to be greedy or selfish with our love, kindness and wisdom - enjoy the results of your sufferings and help others!!!

Wow! There is so much more that I have learned from this house fire, but this post is already long enough. Leave a comment and let me know if you want to know more. It was life changing for me and I am here to serve through the love of Christ.

Recovery Time

As many of you know I had surgery last week. Everything went well - thank God. So I have been home recovering this entire week. It is funny how God puts situations in your path so that you can STOP and REST!

In these last few days I have had some very deep, internal, soul searching time were I have gotten really close to God. I am so glad that this surgery took place and forced me to rest. I am at a place of 'full surrender'. I am experiencing so much freedom. I am not worried, I know that everything will be OK, and that God is with me every step of the way.

I am excited about my next steps. Where is God going to take us? These days have helped me realize that there are BIG changes coming. I don't know exactly what is around the corner, but this overwhelming peace from God that I have in my heart tells me that it is all going to be OK.

I promise that I will keep you all in the loop and up date with all the happenings.

Share Your Love - Don't Be Selfish

For the first time in my life, I was finally able to share my deepest feelings and thoughts with someone that I loved. What a relief! I told him exactly how I felt, how I loved him, and to what depth. In the past pride would grab a hold of my mind and prevent me from sharing. I would get thoughts like “he will think you are weak”, “he will think you are stupid, silly”, “he will just use you”, “you will feel inferior”, “he won’t like you anymore”. Well, let me tell you – God has transformed me SO much that I was able to put all those thoughts aside and ‘spill my beans’! I have no regrets. I must confess, I do have moments of thoughts trying to get in to tell me that I shouldn't have done it, but I stay focused on the why I did it to begin with and it helps me slap those thoughts right out of my mind.

Why I did it? Well, God nudged my heart to tell him that I loved him and how deep my feelings were. I did not do it for me. I did it all for him. God wanted him to know how much someone in this world (me in this case) loved him. That he is special. He can be loved. He is of value to many in this world. He did make an impact in someone’s life. It was important that I share that with him even though I ran the chance of not being accepted and being rejected.

Unfortunately, I was rejected. He walked away. He heard what he needed and turned his back. I don’t think he rejected my love for him; he rejected the love of God that flowed through me to him because it was all God that was working through me. I know that it was only through the Grace of God that I was able to voice all my deepest feelings for him straight to him – in person, face to face! That was a big step for me!!! But for some reason God needed him to know my feelings for him. Now it is up to him to do what he needs to with that information. That is between him and God. I pray that one day he will find God and get to know God because God loved him so much that God gave me the strength and courage to share my heart with him.

I can sit here and say “what about me?” But I have learned that life is NOT about me. It is about giving and serving others. This is the true purpose in life. I am full of joy and happiness now because I was able to share my love with someone. I was able to provide someone with one of the greatest gifts in life – knowing that you are loved!

Thank you Lord for giving me the courage and the strength to share love openly, honestly, and whole heartedly. Please Lord, continue to help me battle the wicked thoughts in my mind concerning his rejection and any future rejection. Thank you Lord for your daily reminders of how much you love me and how all I need is YOU Lord. Lord I ask that you please give those that read this, the strength and courage to share their love. Give them the wisdom to know that by sharing our love we encourage others and that is a reward. Thank you Lord. In Jesus' name. AMEN.